Happy Mother’s Day!
Hello, girlfriend! How are you?
I can’t wait that this epidemic that obliterates many people would end in no time.
It isn’t hard to notice the very cosmic joke when you go outside, you wouldn’t see any reminder that we are celebrating Mother’s Day.
Last year few weeks before Mother’s Day, every retail store, spas, and restaurant were all covered with advertisements. Suggesting how you can show the woman who gave birth to you and raised you some love in gratitude for all she has done for you.
This time, it would be a challenge to create a new way of celebrating this special day with your mom, now that all the establishments are closed. However, you have plenty of time to create a fantastic act to display how you genuinely love and appreciate your mother.
We always celebrate Mother’s Day in the second week, and most of the time, it falls on the birthday of my Mother-in-Law. Last year, we celebrated her birthday and Mother’s Day in the park, 3 months after her death.
While we are sitting outside this morning, my husband mentioned the memories he had with his mom. He is the youngest of the family, a clingy, and spoiled brat. His mom was a teacher. In the old days, when my husband was a toddler, her mom stays up late writing her lesson plan. He was also under the table, hugging her mom’s feet patiently, waiting for her when to go to bed. Furthermore, he said he was 11 years old when he finally slept separately with his mom.
I said, “What? Seriously?”
If you were the one hearing this, you wouldn’t believe his story. My husband is a masculine figure, a tall and tough guy who would think this is true?
After that conversation, I secretly thought about my mom. I don’t have a good relationship with my mom. My mom gave me away when I was 10 years old, she had her own family at that time and had kids on her own. She said it will be better if I will stay with my grandparents. So, I grew up with my grandparents, they were both working at that time. At an early age, I learned how to do things on my own.
I walked to school, go home, eat, and stay alone until my grandparents come back from their work. Years had passed that my heart was already used to not feel having a mother at all. Fortunately, I had my grandparents beside me.
I cannot clearly remember what memories I had with my mother because of her absence. Our mom and daughter relationship is complicated. On occasion, I post on social media telling “Happy Mother’s Day to everybody.” However, I couldn’t tell my mom personally nor celebrate with her. I can’t recall that I greeted her or even gave her a gift in my 31 years of existence.
“Mom, can you remind me?”
So, whenever we get closer to Mother’s Day, my heart aches as to how to connect the dots, how to mend the pieces? How to tie the knot? Is it too late? I don’t know where to start. Can anybody feel me?
Anyways, this not just about me. My heart goes to the pain of my husband (and his siblings) who lost their mother just a year back. Also, to those who grew up motherless and now motherless mothers.
I know this significant day can hurt. Actually, being motherless is hard every day. Thinking about all the past memories and the memories we never got to make with them.
How to celebrate Mother’s Day as a motherless mother?
1. Get the feelings out
Give yourself the time to grieve and remember the good. Whatever means you wanted to express out your feelings, you’re free to do it. Remembering her, browse old photos, draw her face and create art out of it, or shut out the curtain, burst out and cry. Go have a bubble bath and scream or hit a punching bag. The sudden death of the one most dearest to you is tough to accept. What’s important here is to let it all out. Celebrating your grief will refresh your memory of your mother and feel her the whole day. If you’re living alone, this is easy and spontaneously because nobody (or don’t let anybody) bother you today. However, if you have a family who wanted to celebrate with you, they may not understand you’re grieving, especially if you’re a mother with small kids. They wouldn’t understand why you are sad. Telling your partner or your family that you are not okay, and need a little time to celebrate your grief is important. Doing so can set things up on how to navigate the rest of the day without expressing your sadness afterward.
2. Be kind to yourself
Your mom would want you to take care of yourself. Your mom would wish that you will reach a certain age that you have fulfilled your goals. She wanted you to enjoy life. Even if she’s gone, she wanted you to take care of yourself like your mother did when she’s still on earth. Go, get up, and prepare an excellent breakfast, do some workout, go for a walk and buy your favorite flowers.
3. Remember Her
Now, it’s time to light up the candle and meditate on some funny moments together. Cook some recipes that you love to cook together. Visit her with your family and tell a story about her to your kids.
4. Remember those who mothered you
Whatever obstacle you had experienced or problems you are facing right now and adversity you may encounter in the future, I’m sure you have some people who are always there by your side. Or at least one person who cared about what you feel and support you along the way.
If that person is far away, call her now. I understand that at this time, we are limited to where we are allowed to go. We cannot pay a visit to our dearest aunt, grandmother, stepmom, your best friend’s mom, your teacher, or a family friend who cared for you like her own child. Whoever she is, remember to call her.
Send them a simple gift, a “Thank you Card” or Mother’s Card, let them know how significant impact they have added to your life. If it weren’t for them, you didn’t make it through this day as a mother. They would be thrilled to hear from you.
5. Reach out to other mothers you know
Do you know some people who are already a mother? How long have you been not in contact with your sister – who lives in the other city? Your sister-in-law? And, oh, don’t forget, Karen, your neighbor.
Also, if you have ever known a mother who’s their kids are far away. Or a mother who recently just lost their child. They need your voice. They need to feel that they’re not alone.
Even though they don’t have anybody to celebrate with, perhaps you may uplift her day and make her feel better and appreciated.
6. Celebrate you
Happy Mother’s Day! This our day. Yes, it’s your day. We may not celebrate it as grand as before because of the pandemic. No more spa blowout with your friends and romantic date with your husband in a restaurant. I guess this might be the time to start a new tradition, not too fancy, and definitely cheaper. There are creative ways to celebrate Mother’s day more than you can imagine.
More natural, affectionate, and loving. Big or small whatever you decide to do, do it your way. Have fun, and enjoy yourself. If you are not a mother, that’s okay. Do something that makes you feel your mother regardless of how bad your relationship with your mother.
Just simply remind yourself that YOU are the best thing that she had. And whatever had happened in the past, it doesn’t matter anymore, I hope you seek peace in your heart and find the courage to talk to her this Mother’s Day like I am planning to do.
When I became a mother, no one taught me to do things. When I gave birth, Youtube was then not famous. I don’t know how to express milk from my breast, change diapers, or what months should I start to feed my baby solid food. I remember my firstborn was teething at 4 months, and that early, I introduced her to solid food, like crackers, porridge, fruits, etc. And at this early age, I train her to walk. I bought the “andador” (it’s a walker made of rattan wood – that early, girl!). Can you imagine?
It was hard.
Many of us enter motherhood without a mom. Whether she was emotionally unavailable, she died, your mother is absent because she chose to live without you or whatever reason.
Now that we’re also a mom, one by one, everything seems to make sense of what had been the choices your mom had, the mistakes she did, it was all so crystal clear right now.
But sometimes, there is a mother that isn’t too sorry or perhaps too ashamed to ask forgiveness. As mothers, now we understand what hard mothering a child can be.
Today I want you to acknowledge your emotions. What is your situation right now?
Are you motherless who cannot forgive her mother?
Are you motherless who has been abandoned by her mother?
If your relationship with your mother is too complicated and you don’t wish to celebrate it, then don’t. Acknowledge that you can’t force your heart to heal; also, time will not mend you but will make it livable.
Are you motherless who has lost her mother?
Losing a loved one, especially your mother, is a huge disability. Yes, you see someone who lost her mother but managed to laugh and be joyful. Still, if you cut deep through her chest and feel her heart, you would see that there’s an enormous hole in there that won’t ever be healed.
If you are having trouble managing your emotions and the wound is still fresh, I suggest you take a break from Social Media. Whether you’re on Instagram or Facebook, for sure, it will be flooded with Mother’s Day greetings and photos that might trigger your wick to explode.
If this is not an issue for you, celebrate her on social media. Post happy or funny photos of her with the family. Upload your videos from your previous Europe Tour.
But I want to remind you, she was your mom. From giving birth on you and raising you, that’s the blessed thing you have as a child and now as a mother to your offspring.
I hope these tips be useful to those of you who don’t have a mother in your life for whatever reason.
Sending a pleasant greeting to all motherless mothers out there.
Happy Mother’s Day!