When does it end? Men tend to flirt online as women do, but what if you are in an exclusive relationship with a guy and he continues flirting online behind your back? Not that it makes a difference if he tells you about it, but, what will you do about this information?
How to stop your boyfriend from flirting?
In a day and age where dating online is a thing, so is flirting online. I think flirting online is okay if you’re single, but when you are in a relationship already, you should cut it out like flirting in real life. Some guys think that it is reasonable to separate their social media lives apart from real life. If this is the case, then you know that this means he’s open to flirting online since the two are different.
As adults, I don’t think that you have to remind your boyfriend what it means to be dating someone exclusively. Although open relationships are a thing now, I doubt it that you’d be here reading this if that was the case in your relationship.
Stopping someone – like your boyfriend from flirting online is like asking a mouse not to eat the cheese laid out to him. Flirting online is so easy, everyone is doing it. Kidding. But, since social media exists, flirting online has been a topic of conversation with couples and even with friends. Setting boundaries is something you should talk about with the boyfriend.
Here are some tips we can share with you as to how you can deal with your boyfriend who flirts online.
Tell him how you feel.
This is very basic. You have to tell him how you feel. Pick the right time and place and talk to him – talk as in not accuse him; during this time, he’ll discover how you came across the idea that he is flirting online. Just be honest. Have you noticed how high his Snapchat score is, did someone tell you about it, or if you snooped on his phone? Tell him about what you’ve noticed and how this situation is making you feel.
It could be possible that he thinks it’s all innocent flirting, so tell him how you think about it. Make sure that you are not confrontational because based on experience, people do not like confrontation. I avoid it at all costs, but when it is important to do it, you should. But in this case, you are still trying to determine if he is flirting online.
Maybe it is just flirting.
So, you have talked about it, and he said it was just harmless flirting. It’s up to you if you’d believe him or not. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and if he just missed telling you about it is because it was just for fun, then it’s your call. Moving forward, maybe you can read his messages with him around to reassure yourself.
But don’t forget to ask yourself why you are feeling upset or angry or even jealous. This could be stemming off from somewhere. No one wants to be in a relationship where you don’t feel secure. Check yourself and talk to him about this.
Don’t attack him by “you.”
Like what this subtitle says, do not attack your boyfriend with the word “you.” Sometimes, you have to realize that by using that word, he would feel attacked. Flirting and topics similar to it are tricky, so phrasing what you’ll say and thinking it through first will surely be straightening things out especially if there was nothing there in the first place.
Tell him how the situation makes you feel, so instead of saying “you”, emphasize “I”. Example, ‘I feel worried about your flirting online.’ This way, even if your goal was to confront him, he will not feel that he’s being pounced on and you won’t feel guilty later on.
If you can’t make him stop, join in.
There’s an expression, ‘if you can’t beat them, join them.’
Of course, this only applies to situations where there is nothing there. If your boyfriend is merely playing around online – no emotions involved whatsoever (assuming this is for reasons like he has nothing more interesting to do), and told you about it in the first place, why don’t you join him?
Join him, as in, read and reply with him while he’s doing it. For me, if you are not hurting anyone, clean fun is okay. Joining him in activities that are fun for him helps your bonding as a couple. Just make sure that there is no harm done to anyone that you interact with. Well, good job!
Try the ‘sandwich’ technique.
Okay, so this topic of your boyfriend flirting online could be a sensitive issue. If you’re having a hard time to even open up about it to him, try the sandwich method.
What you need to do is start the conversation with a compliment – then with the hard truths and even the unpleasant details that you might have read in his messages – and then end with another compliment. This is kinda tough and maybe even confusing. But however hard it was getting your message across, at least you were able to address your feelings and that you can assure him that if he’s willing, you’re eager to try and still make things work; unless you don’t.
Flirt with each other.
People drifting away from their partners have reasons – even if they’re assholes. That’s their reason for drifting away – they’re assholes. Haha! I don’t know where I got that.
Your boyfriend flirting with other women (or men), whether online or in real life has a reason. Maybe you have been together for a long time, and he misses that feeling of a new fling. When you asked him, and that was his reason, you can always decide to flirt with each other instead of someone else.
If your boyfriend’s reason for flirting over Messenger is because you’re not giving him enough attention, then this may be the best time to bring the fun back at home. See this through because this could be another technique you can use when you need a new adventure for your relationship and create new sparks in your already-comfortable-situation.
Know when it has to stop.
Most of the time, flirting is one issue in a relationship that couples can power through. Yes, it can be really petty or real nasty in 60 seconds depending on the degree of the ‘flirting’ your boyfriend is on.
For me, what’s important is that you trust each other enough and that when you talked about things or issues like this one if you have agreed to do something about it, do it. This applies to both parties.
Respect yourself enough to leave the relationship if things are no longer healthy for both of you. If he still likes to flirt with girls even after you have talked about it and he said that he would stop, then, end it. It’s not the end of the world. I’m pretty sure, it will sting, but if he loved you enough, this would not have been an issue in the first place.